The Dreadful Tale of Patricia (short story)

''This page is about the short story. To read about the TV series, go to The Dreadful Tale of Patricia.''

The Dreadful Tale of Patricia was based off a short story of the same title. The story is as follows.

Story
Once upon a time, a long, long time ago, there was a great snowstorm. A rather odd knight who went by the name of Sir Charles IV was wandering through this great snowstorm trying to find his penny when he saw a small body laying in the snow.

It was a tiny infant.

Sir Charles picked the baby up and cradled it in his arms.

“I shall name you Patricia, after no one in particular,” Sir Charles cooed to the child. He vowed to protect her for ever and ever.

But this was not to be.

A horribly horrible monster known only as the Oog appeared in the snow one day and called for sacrifices to appease it, lest it destroy everything.

“I call for sacrifices to appease me, lest I destroy everything,” the Oog shrieked. The villagers tried to defend against the Oog, but they stopped when Sir Charles and his pet cat, Vivian The Cat, threw them as sacrifices to the horrible monster. The Oog devoured thousands of people, but it let Patricia, Sir Charles, and the Cat live. Sir Charles was content with that. The monster ate every single sacrifice sent by Sir Charles, but eventually the monster’s hunger could be contained no longer.

“Give me Patricia!” the monster squealed.

“Never, you fiendish fiend!” Sir Charles squeaked back. The cat fell over in the snow, convulsing with laughter at how ugly the Oog was.

The Oog found a great sword (that used to belong to the mighty King Arthur, but Sir Charles had fed him to the Oog) with which it attacked Sir Charles in an attempt to capture—and eventually eat—his precious adopted daughter, but Sir Charles drew his own sword and fought back.

The cat just laughed.

Sir Charles fought bravely and the Oog was initially forced away, but then the Oog leapt around in back of Sir Charles, cornering him against the wall of the castle garden. The cat tried to help the trapped knight, but the monster intended to get its sacrifice and was not about to let a small feline stop it. The Oog smack the little animal away, and it landed on the cold, hard ground, coughing blood and laughing.

“Yes! At last!” the Oog squealed. “Now I shall finally get my sacrificial sacrifice and your baby Patricia shall be DESTROYED!” The cat covered her eyes, too scared to watch the demise of his dear Patricia.

But it was not to be. ..

“HA!” Sir Charles squeaked. “But you are wrong! I care not for Patricia—for she is nothing but a lump of snow!” And with that, he threw the lump across the snowy fields. When it hit the ground, it broke clean in two. The cat fell over, laughing.

The Oog stared, dumbfounded. The Oog stared like this a lot, because he was, in fact, dumb.

“Well—” it started to say, but Sir Charles wasn't finished yet.

“HA! You are wrong again!” he snorted gleefully. “Patricia is actually conjoined twins!” The knight scooped up Patricia and her twin and ran off through the snow, laughing maniacally. He disappeared into a huge tunnel that supposedly led to places strange and wondrous.

The monster stared for a moment, quite surprised, then took off after Sir Charles. It disappeared into the tunnel as well, and neither of them were ever seen again.

The cat fell over and laughed some more.

And as far as I know, she’s still laughing.